Courage, and a picture of my Belle

I found an example of courage today, and a great picture of a dog that looks just like my dog, Belle. And both in the same place - a fellow Corpsman's blog: http://elbowfin.blogspot.com/

I'd Googled Jeep, Mindwalk, and Military as planned (see my post of April 27th) and his blog popped up. I noticed we had a lot of similar interests and experience, but the tone of his postings was downright frightening. Too much like looking at my own past self, I suppose.

On a hunch, I pulled up his blog again today, and I'm glad I did. Where there had been bullshit and crassness before, there were now fine examples of courage in personal honesty and change.

In today's world, courage is often thought of in a physical context - pitting yourself against the elements of nature, putting yourself at risk in the service of your country, or giving up your life to save the life of another. But doing what it takes to save your own life, or find it, takes courage too.

Every single one of us human beings on this little blue and white planet is alone in our search for our lives - who we really are, what we came to do, and what we need to do to get there. It's a painful process, easily drowned (temporarily, I found) with alchohol, dimmed by drugs, or distracted by sex, food, or fear of what others might think.

Elbowfin challenged them all today. He was willing to sacrifice a measure of his own fear and let his softer, more vulnerable side show. That takes courage. I know. I've been where he is, and I know what it takes to do what he's doing.

I wish I had his "before" post alongside the "after" post I read on his blog today, to show the difference more clearly of what I am trying to say. The tone of his posting today is different than his past posts, and his About Me section is Very different, having been entirely re-worked. It's like reading a different person's blog. And maybe that isn't so far from the truth.

It ain't over yet, as he'd probably be the first to say. But Elbowfin showed courage today. He told the truth about tough feelings, and admitted that he doesn't have his life all put together in one big pretty package. His About Me section now reflects gratitude (vital, and absent before), things he values, and sincerity rather than the flippancy I found previously. He honesty is refreshing. That takes courage. And that kind of courage and honesty will pull him through.

Or at least it could.

When I finally got honest with myself, appreciated what I had, and started going for what I really wanted (trying to distract myself from the pain of not having it never worked anyway), that's when everything turned around for me. Suddenly life got simple. Yeah, some things were still pretty hard, but life itself got really simple - and surprisingly satisfying. And it's stayed that way.

It took awhile for some of the results to "ripen", but my life now is better than I ever dreamed it could be. If I hadn't turned myself around, I'd be dead now, or still the "living dead", which is the same thing to me.

Elbowfin is a lot younger than I was when I finally pulled my head out and started telling the truth about how shitass scared I was, and confused, and how alone. But I've found that it doesn't matter how old or young you are when you start, it just matters that you start. Then things can be different. And only then.

So 'oorah Elbowfin! May you continue to ask yourself hard questions!