And the simple beauty of an unruffled flower. In my two days in the desert I was awed, astounded, and deeply humbled. I returned home more at peace with myself, and ready to make peace with my world.
(P.S. I am deeply grateful to new friends, and their cameras, for making these photos possible.)

A marvelous expanse of beauty... 

A grand, striped wall of rock... 

A desert storm... 

On that same day, but many hours before and many miles away, I caught the sun tipping the crest of a red butte in the distance. (The picture doesn't do justice to the rays of sunshine flooding from the sky.) I stood and watched as the sun slowly filled this valley of spires. I could almost hear the chorus of hallelujahs. It was most glorious! 

These barren hills with a sky full of approaching storm is another example of finding beauty in most amazing places. Incredible. I stood transfixed in awe as the storm rolled in, the thunder echoing off the hills and down the valleys. I only took cover in my Jeep when I realized the rain had caught up with me and I was soaking wet and shivering. I'll never forget the experience. 

In wake-up pink, the spiky-looking blooms are amazingly soft to the touch. The blooms, mind you; not the cactus spikes, which are needle sharp! Here are (Finally!) a few of the pictures I've been waiting to put up.

I'm still working on the "Great Computer Changeover," but I've done enough now that I feel I can take some time and catch up some on my blog.

This photo is one of my favorites from my delightful two days in the desert recently. It shows such a wonderful, startling contrast - like much of life. I've found that sometimes the most startling beauty is found in places where there are also the most prickly of thorns. It intrigues me how the two often come together. I also notice that even in the most unattractive of circumstances, there can often be found the most exquisite sweetness - if you look for it.

The Death of a Computer

I'd never have thought I would have become so attached to a computer. But I did. I know it inside and out. I know what every single whir means, and where I have to hit it to get it going again when it gets stuck. I guess when you know something well, and you've put time and energy into it, it's easy to become attached. Just like people, and relationships, and beliefs.

I've limped along with my "good ol' boy" for many years and it finally gave up the ghost. So I'm forced to make a change. Not that all change is bad, mind you. But all change IS an adjustment.

So now I have this shiny new computer. And it's just not the same, I tell you. Just not the same. Oh, yes... It does a million miles an hour when it comes to browsing speed and I have enough RAM on it to have ALL my programs open and going all at the same time, if I wanted to.

But it just doesn't have the same character as the old one. None of the same shimmeys, no whirs, and definately no clunks. I don't miss the clunks, I must admit. But the whirs and the shimmeys... Just how am I even supposed to know a computer is even ON without whirs and shimmeys! I'm excited about the new at the same time as I am grieving the loss of the old and familiar.

So I'm transferring everything over. It's going to take a bit of time, I can see. But I thought I'd break in the new fella by making my first post in more than a week to my blog. I'm hoping that soon, when I get everything transferred over, I can finally get some of those wonderful desert pictures up. I'd sure like that.

But the "extras" will have to wait until the mandatories are done. Changing everything over to the new computer is a mandatory.

I've never changed computers before, and I haven't a clue as to how to begin. I don't have techie buds I can ask so I'm pretty much on my own. Does it take special cables, software programs... or what?

essays & effluvia: Sand Sculptures

essays & effluvia: Sand Sculptures

The top picture on the page that opens at this link accurately depicts my experience of being "under the press" of so many computer troubles the last few days.

A ton of things gone wrong, all at once. At least they're getting FIXED all at once too. Ought to be out of the woods and running again in a few days.

Tried to get a picture of pink cactus flowers up on the blog, - and a sandstone arch, and a beautiful high desert canyon - but I'm having trouble with my computer. This picture of a delicate desert beauty is the only one I could get to come up, so it will have to do for now.

(I wonder what will be required to get this problem solved? It seems the gremlins have been attacking my electronic equipment while I've had my attention turned elsewhere.)

Being late Spring, the desert was blooming with more flowers that I'd ever imagined were possible in such a harsh climate. It was glorious to behold. Brightly colored flowers were everywhere, set off with red bluffs, and snow-capped peaks as a distant backdrop. Wow!

And the stillness - the incredible stillness. Anyone who has ever felt the power and sweetness in solitude knows exactly what I'm saying. Anyone who doesn't, needs to find it for themselves - outside, and in.

I'm already looking forward to returning - to both places.

No time for pictures

Planned on spending some time tonight putting some pictures up, but got captivated (to say the least) by some surprising connections. I suppose serendipity is the word.

I promised myself that I'd follow my hunches, and I've been doing pretty good the last 6 months or so. But this recent journey has been the hallmark. There are no words to describe the things that have been written in my heart forever.

No pictures tonight. Spent the time reading posts and discovering connections. Important work. The pictures will wait.

Back from the world of the Real

Just a quick note tonight, before I shake the sand out of my shoes, climb out of my travel-stiff khaki shorts, catch a shower and hit the sack.

I've just returned from a glorious few days in the desert. I'd hoped to get into the back country this trip, planned for it, but didn't know if I was going to get the chance - until the last minute.

Ah, the smell of the sage still lingers, as does the feel of the warmth of the sun on red rock, and the incredible sight of ever so delicate pink flowers blooming profusely on spiney cactus. Pictures coming - hopefully tomorrow. And more.

I found desert beauty yesterday in my travels through new terrain. Awesome. I packed in a hurry (making a quick jump on a job opportunity), and I can't find my 'good' camera. Lost in my stuff, I suppose. So, gotta use Ol' Scratchy for now, until I can get home and sort things out. But,... even through an imperfect lens the beauty shows through. Could there be a metaphor here?

Article: Leadership Lessons from Everyday Heroes, by Patricia Fripp

Article: Leadership Lessons from Everyday Heroes, by Patricia Fripp

I ran across this article about a pretty amazing thing that happened when somebody was given a chance, without judgement, and some encouragement. Too bad it's "amazing." It ought to happen more often, but sad to say it doesn't. Too many of us walk around blind, deaf, and acting dumb.

I'll bet we're all a little like this woman - wanting to "blossom," wanting the chance. My salute today goes to Patricia Fripp (and people like her) for looking beyond the ordinary to the potential. Rare beauty.

As I look back on it, I got my "chance" back when I was 35 years old. Somebody I trusted told me I needed to take a look and see how big the hole was I'd dug myself into. I resisted at first, because I'd been defending the position for quite awhile that I wasn't in a hole. I was always the one who was helping everybody else out of Their holes. But something itched inside of me, telling me that here was a "chance." I couldn't fathom the reason, but it felt like I'd better trust him. I really did some soul-searching. I foundthat no, I hadn't dug myself into any hole,... It was a damn bottomless pit. I got myself some information, some help, changed a lot of my associations, and hung on tight to the ones that were good for me. It ended up not being as hard as I had thought it would be. The fear of making the change ended up being the biggest thing, and that was gone when I actually made the changes. Go figure.

At first, I thought it was going to be a lost cause because I thought I was a lost cause - and there were plenty of people who thought so too and made sure I knew about it.

But my friend believed in me when I couldn't. It worked. That friend helped me get a leg up and get going down a different road, to a whole different kind of life. His name wasn't Patricia (thank God) but he did for me a lot of what the author, Patricia Fripp, did for that woman at Shell.

Nowadays, I'm thoroughly enjoying myself doing the same for others. I'm not into rescuing anybody unneccessarily, mind you. All I do is extend my hand, and if somebody wants to take it, they do. And I'm willing to see their potential, even when they can't see it themselves. And I tell the truth as best I see it.

Two big lessons here:

1. You don't extend your hand until you're on solid ground yourself.

2. Don't take the advice of anybody that's more fucked-up than you are.

Well, three lessons:

3. Have the courage to go for what you want. You're no better and no worse than anybody else on the planet. If you find yourself whining about "why me", get a hard look and say instead "why NOT me?!" - about Anything, positive OR negative.

I think a big problem today is that we all think we're just too damn 'special.' We're either "better" or "worse" than anybody and/or everybody else in some way. And then we get all proud of our damn specialness. Hooey! It's a buncha crap.

One of the things I told "my kids" today is that every human being is equal in a quality of potential. But we are NOT equal in capability. We each need to find our own natural capabilities; and if we can't find them, build them - based on what we find interesting. That's when we succeed at finding our own way, just like the woman in the article did.

Enough for today, or I might end up farther up on my soapbox than I already am, and the air is getting pretty thin up here already. I've noticed a tendency I have - the stinkier the crap, the higher I climb up on my soapbox. But even then sometimes I can still smell it. Like now.

Damn. I'll distract myself with work for awhile. That oughta help.

Courage, and a picture of my Belle

I found an example of courage today, and a great picture of a dog that looks just like my dog, Belle. And both in the same place - a fellow Corpsman's blog: http://elbowfin.blogspot.com/

I'd Googled Jeep, Mindwalk, and Military as planned (see my post of April 27th) and his blog popped up. I noticed we had a lot of similar interests and experience, but the tone of his postings was downright frightening. Too much like looking at my own past self, I suppose.

On a hunch, I pulled up his blog again today, and I'm glad I did. Where there had been bullshit and crassness before, there were now fine examples of courage in personal honesty and change.

In today's world, courage is often thought of in a physical context - pitting yourself against the elements of nature, putting yourself at risk in the service of your country, or giving up your life to save the life of another. But doing what it takes to save your own life, or find it, takes courage too.

Every single one of us human beings on this little blue and white planet is alone in our search for our lives - who we really are, what we came to do, and what we need to do to get there. It's a painful process, easily drowned (temporarily, I found) with alchohol, dimmed by drugs, or distracted by sex, food, or fear of what others might think.

Elbowfin challenged them all today. He was willing to sacrifice a measure of his own fear and let his softer, more vulnerable side show. That takes courage. I know. I've been where he is, and I know what it takes to do what he's doing.

I wish I had his "before" post alongside the "after" post I read on his blog today, to show the difference more clearly of what I am trying to say. The tone of his posting today is different than his past posts, and his About Me section is Very different, having been entirely re-worked. It's like reading a different person's blog. And maybe that isn't so far from the truth.

It ain't over yet, as he'd probably be the first to say. But Elbowfin showed courage today. He told the truth about tough feelings, and admitted that he doesn't have his life all put together in one big pretty package. His About Me section now reflects gratitude (vital, and absent before), things he values, and sincerity rather than the flippancy I found previously. He honesty is refreshing. That takes courage. And that kind of courage and honesty will pull him through.

Or at least it could.

When I finally got honest with myself, appreciated what I had, and started going for what I really wanted (trying to distract myself from the pain of not having it never worked anyway), that's when everything turned around for me. Suddenly life got simple. Yeah, some things were still pretty hard, but life itself got really simple - and surprisingly satisfying. And it's stayed that way.

It took awhile for some of the results to "ripen", but my life now is better than I ever dreamed it could be. If I hadn't turned myself around, I'd be dead now, or still the "living dead", which is the same thing to me.

Elbowfin is a lot younger than I was when I finally pulled my head out and started telling the truth about how shitass scared I was, and confused, and how alone. But I've found that it doesn't matter how old or young you are when you start, it just matters that you start. Then things can be different. And only then.

So 'oorah Elbowfin! May you continue to ask yourself hard questions!